Monday, December 22, 2008

Santa Claus must be stopped!


It's about time they nailed that jolly ol' fatman...

Santa gets parking ticket while delivering toys
NEW YORK – Santa Claus has added a New York City traffic agent to his naughty list after she gave him a ticket while delivering gifts to children.
Chip Cafiero says he'll fight the $115 ticket he received in Brooklyn on Black Friday when he was dressed as Santa.
The 60-year-old retired schoolteacher was riding a horse-drawn carriage and handing out toys and candy canes. An SUV carrying the toys and protecting the horse from traffic was double parked next to him.
Santa says he yelled "Ho! Ho! Ho!" to get the traffic agent's attention because the SUV wasn't blocking traffic. But in his words, "This grinch just went ahead and fined me."
Local politician Martin Golden calls the parking ticket "ridiculous."
Police won't comment on it.

Santa-- a man who breaks into your home, violates protected airspace, uses aliases and profiles children. A fine is too good for him... He needs to be stopped!
Before I start to relate why I am not fond of Mr. Claus, I would like to say I enjoy him as a fictional character in films, cartoons and stories...
But I take issue with the supposed nonfictional being-- the one our parents fill our heads with lies about. The boogie man who judges each of us and decides whether or not we are worthy of gifts based upon perceived naughtiness or niceness. Parents love using him as a scare-tactic to keep their children in line... afterall, if you don't behave, Santa won't bring you that new shoddy plastic toy you've been begging for.
Or how about the lies told of how St. Nick lives at the North Pole with elves who make the toys delivered to the good children? Most children don't think to ask why they don't ever receive any custom toys they might request, having sent letters to Santa or asked for while sitting on the lap of some creepy guy in a department store-- odd how the elves can only make the toys sold in stores, even adding the name brands and packaging to match. I know many children have been disappointed throughout the years when they asked for something not available at Wal-Mart or out of the Sears catalog...
And how can one overlook how Santa only rewards the good little anglo-saxon children? I am doubting the poor kids starving in Africa get a visit from the man in red... Seems to send a negative message to children, telling them they are better than those less fortunate than them. And let's not forget that Santa is not tolerant of other religions-- I don't see the Muslims and Jews getting a stocking full of toys, do you? Are they responsible for the religions forced upon them by their parents? No, but they are held accountable apparently... But Santa is clearly not very liberal when it comes to his gifts... otherwise, how could a child who has been reasonably good only receive a toy truck, when the rich classmate who never behaved a day in his life got a new pony on Christmas morn?
So, let's add this up: parents tell lies to their kids about a magical man who loves children (as long as they are Christian and live in North America and Europe), will come (by breaking into your house) bring you gifts (only if you are good), bringing you anything you want (but only if it's available in stores and only if your parents can afford it or are willing to buy it), loves some children less than you (by not bringing them anything regardless of behavior), and loves some children more than you (bringing them much better gifts, again regardless of behavior).
Gee, what harm can there be in that? I mean, lying to your children, setting them up for disappointment, threatening them with a seasonal boogie man, warping their perspective about the world for no reason whatsoever... seems reasonable, doesn't it? No, it does not...
Let your kids enjoy Santa just as they would enjoy Kermit the frog or Bugs Bunny, but don't force feed them lies just so you can get your kicks-- your children deserve better...
And don't even get me started on the Tooth Fairy...

2 comments:

Booksteve said...

Best piece you've written yet.

Lisa_mynx said...

thanks, Steve...
it's a rant that has had much practice over the years, but i held back a bit this time ;)