Saturday, November 1, 2008

Unreality TV


Normally I avoid reality television like a gasoline douche, but tonight I got wrapped up in it. And because of that, my IQ points have actually dropped far enough for me to almost think that Obama might make a good president (No, I don't like McCain either).
This evening I sat through three episodes of 'Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling' on CMT-- I am not at all a fan of wrestling, but I have to admit the prospect of seeing washed up pseudo-celebs beat the hell out of each other appealed to me... And what a line-up: Danny "Partridge" Bonaduce, Dustin "Screech" Diamond, Erin "Tabitha Stephens" Murphy, Dennis "What's wrong with this man?" Rodman, Frank "I wish I was Sly" Stallone, Tiffany (she isn't worthy of a nickname), Todd "Willis" Bridges, Trishelle "Who the heck?" Cannatella, Nikki "I'm... too sexy for this show" Ziering and Butterbean(!!!).
The celebs are divided into two teams and trained by wrestlers, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Brian "Nasty Boy" Knobs, and judged by Hogan, Eric Bischoff (a former wrestling federation president) and Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart (a wrestling manager who now hawks hair plugs on TV).
Unfortunately, that's where the fun ends. The show is a joke. I mean, really, what is the point in making a fake show about a fake sport involving fake people and try to pass it off as reality? Are we really this dumb? Don't answer that...
Each week the wrestlers teach the teams three simple moves and let them perform in front of an audience, ending with the judges eliminating one person. Thing is, it's almost like watching 'Karate Kid Part 12'-- even though they only learn three simple moves, they are somehow capable of jumping off the top rope or throwing each other out of the ring (safely) and many other more complex maneuvers. Then the judges apparently just arbitrarily pick someone to eliminate... they certainly don't base it on any skill level, heart or showmanship/charisma, that's for sure.
I don't watch enough reality tv to know if this show is standard fare, but I can see that it is as phony as the rest easily enough... At least (so far) the forced in-fighting is light. The show could use a little more drama and/or heart though.
Another joke is having Rodman participate-- the man was a pro wrestler for years after he left the NBA and we are now to think he is learning on the same level as 'Tabitha' and 'Screech'?
And Butterbean??? They actually pit the women against him-- I fear no human being, and I have little doubt I could put a hurting on that man if I had to, but come on... how does any normal person wrestle that man??? He's a 400lb brick who was not only a professional boxer (with an incredible record), but also a MMA (mixed martial arts) competitive fighter-- what's the point of even trying? And when each participant had to choose a ring "persona", Mr Bean stretched by portraying himself as................ a boxer (even down to wearing his normal trunks). Bad thing is, he seems to have put more thought into it than most of the others did.
But the worst part is, I... just... couldn't... stop... watching. If they had shown four, five, six episodes, I'd still be glued to the tube (and usually I don't even watch that many hours of TV in a given week). It didn't grab me because it was interesting or entertaining, it snagged me because it was like a car wreck-- I just had to see how bad it would be... and I was not disappointed in that regard.
P.S.-- that Trichelle girl is apparently a reality show "star"... no wonder I didn't know who the heck she was.

5 comments:

Booksteve said...

When I was a kid they had Celebrity Bowling. Then there was Celebrity Cooking. Now Celebrity Wrestling. What's next? Celebrity Wife Swap? Can't wait for Celebrity Iraq War!

Lisa_mynx said...

and let's not forget all the celebrity porns floating about...

Booksteve said...

'Course, back in the day they had CIRCUS OF THE STARS, too! I remember Linda Blair doing a bit of amateur LION TAMING!!!!!!

Lisa_mynx said...

could be worse-- could be 'dancing with the stars'

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